Stumble

I have developed a bad habit over the past three weeks, sleeping past 2 am or 3am and sometimes 4am. I am thankful I haven't fell ill the almost past year after quitting the corporate world. Yesterday I woke up from hunger and discomfort and I realised his lights were on in his room. He seems to be sleeping late often. He too came out of his room and went to the bathroom. I had negative thoughts towards him and I wanted to find out whats happening in his life, so I began searching for Instagram posts on website version to catch a glimpse of his life,  instead, I stumbled upon his blog, his emotional world.

Reading his entries make me cry.  It once again reminds that he loves me. I feel pained that he was depressed and frustrated over the way things are in our marriage. I didn't know he was afraid of being silently judged during counselling ... One entry says he cried when I hug him the second time, and so I send him a message "Have a nice day at work, hugs*. He read it at 9+ am. Although he didn't reply, which I also did not expect to but I believe it was a good gesture. He's coughing and sometimes I worried for his health but what can I do but pray. I am afraid my kind actions towards him when not accepted will be turned down and hurt me.

Some food for thoughts: Are you still the most satisfied in God even if your marriage is marred with pain? Are you most satisfied even if your marriage is joyful? They mentioned Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these shall be added to you. A Christ-centered marriage has no time to be petty when they are focused on building God's kingdom. I remembered a pastor prayed this verse over our lives as well. Really hope to serve alongside with him again for the Kingdom one day. Amen!